I'VE FAILED 2016
You've been good to me! I started my year out releasing my first single. Next, I produced my first conference called "The Breaking Conference." Then, I was able to travel to New York; again. I was able to move back in with my mom to further invest in my dreams. I put on my second conference which led to this awesome organization, "The Brkn Co." I've created my 2017 team. And for once, this holiday, I had enough money to purchase my mom and sister a gift for Christmas. Wow, 2016 has been good to me!
Until I remembered, I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to in 2016. I accomplished what I could, but not REALLY what I wanted. My dream was to purchase my first condo. To move out of state. To be 175 lbs. To have $10,000 saved in my personal bank account. To have my Apple Mac desktop. To travel the world. To forgive. To forget. And lastly, to be married to the secret man of my dreams by 25. My dreams...
I thought to myself, 2016 had actually been horrible to me. As I write this in tears, I ask God, why had 2016 been so horrible to me. Why hasn't one true desire of my heart been accomplished? Were they my true desires? Were they just dreams? Why had 2016 been so horrible to me....
So I realized what was wrong. I had so many dreams but I failed to have vision. I simply operated off of what "worked for me". The positive things that I've accomplished weren't easy and certainly not always fun! Now, I'm not saying it wasn't all God, but I can say that I didn't know if was God intentionally blessing me or God allowing me to move forward in what I was putting my energy into. Wow, I could have been operating off of the fumes of grace. 2016 had been been horrible to me, simply because I didn't properly prepare for it.
"So for all those things that I thought were the desire of my heart, what did I do to accomplish those things?....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Wow, nothing."
Now you may say I am being dramatic, things happen for a reason, blah blah blah. But if I really think about it, the lack of my "dreams coming true", were all my fault. Let's see how:
1. I saved how much I wanted to, not what I needed to.
2. Because I didn't save properly, I couldn't travel in that capacity.
3. Condo? Girl please! Rent was late a few times this year...
4. You barely held on to your accountability here and now you want to move out-of-state?
5. 175 lbs....I know what you ate last summer.
6. Apple Mac Desktop Computer.....didn't you break the last two? Oh what about the new hard drive you were supposed to invest in? It's December...
7. Still mad at her....still mad at him.
8. You never told him how you still felt. You expected him to just know...
So as you can see, 2016 didn't fail me, I failed 2016.
Where I had dreams, I lacked vision. Where I lacked vision, I lacked preparation. Where I lacked preparation, I REAPED my "personal failures".
Now I know there are plenty of things to be grateful for, and God is EXTREMELY good for what he has allowed me to do and to be. But as for me and these tears, I might as well wipe them up! It is nobody's fault that I've failed 2016 but me. Make 2017 a year filled with VISION. Write it, and make it plain... - A'darah
written by: A'Darah